Through the Monsoon
by Beautiful27Tragedy
Summary: I'm really not good at summaries but since I have to write something - It's a story about Jasper and Edward (who else?) and their very own way of getting to know each other - again.
1. Chapter 1 Beep

**Through the Monsoon**

_There's this beeping sound that is driving me crazy._

Beep

Beep

Beep

_Since I'm awake it goes on w__ithout intermission._

Beep

Beep

Beep

_ It never stops. And I can't make out where it's coming from. Please stop._

Beep

Beep

Beep

_Great._

_And every now and then I hear voices. Voices I don't recognize. Voices I don't know._

_Nonstop beeping and strange voices – gee, I think I'm going nuts._

_My head hurts. And my back. Maybe from all the lying around. Tho the bed feels very comfy, it isn't as soft as mine._

_Which makes me wonder – why am I not in my bed?_

_Where am I?_

_And why can't I open my eyes? The eyelids are too heavy, actually my whole body feels heavy and I'm tired as if I haven't slept for day. Which is funny, because it feels like I'm still sleeping right now._

_Am I dreaming?_

_Yep, I guess so._

_So I _must_ be sleeping._

***** TTM *****

_Why do they play this song again and again? I'm getting sick of it. What song is it anyway?_

_Ha, I know I'm not sleeping because my nose is itching. You don't feel your nose itching when you're asleep, right? Hmm, but I can't be awake either, because I desperately want to scratch my nose and that's just not possible, since I can't lift my arms. So I must be somewhere between sleep and being awake. Ugh, whatever it is, I don't like it. My arms are too heavy and I can't even scratch my nose. _

_Could anyone please turn this song off and scratch my nose for me? And while we're at it – I'm hungry._

_Ahhh, peaceful sleep, how do I love thee._

***** TTM *****

Beep

Beep

Beep

_The beeping again. So I must be in this uncomfortable "between-thing" again._

_Strangely I'm not hungry anymore, tho I'm pretty sure I didn't eat. But I'm happy to see that the itching is gone. Thank God for little favours._

_Unfortunately this song is still playing but I'm starting to think that, maybe it's only in my head, like it's stucked there, you know? Maybe it's an "between-thing"kind of thing._

_Are you still with me? Errr...who am I talking to?_

_Fuck, if I could only remember the name of this song._

_There are the voices again. After all this time they're becoming sound familiar. Wait a minute – all this time? What time are we talking about? How long have I been here? _

_And where the fuck is this here?_

_Huh._

_Someone is touching me. The hands are cold and unfamiliar, somehow clinical... another thing I don't like. They're poking me, squeezing my arms, lifting my legs, touching my chest._

_The hell is going on here?_

_Hey, stop that._

_Of course they don't, because they can't hear me, because I'm still in this "between-thing"._

_Oh well, let's go back to sleep._

***** TTM *****

_Mmmm, that smells good. But what is it? Someone is touching me again – holding my hand. But it's not cold and clinical this time. It feels warm and calming and familiar. I can hear quiet sniffling. Is there someone crying? _

_There's a tugging on my hand. Please don't let go, it feels so good. I feel something on my forehead, it feels like butterflies. And then a hand runs gently through my hair, softly scraping my head. Mmm, this person knows how it's done, if I could purr, I definitely would right now. Then it's gone again and this someone is squeezing my hand. I want to squeeze back, tell this person to stay and that there's no need to cry but once again I feel sleep taking over_.

_Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk to you again._

_Maybe that song is not so bad after all._

**_*** TTM ***_**

_There's a bright light shining through my eyelids, turning my dark blue world into an orange one. There's something going on, a lot of moving. I can feel people rushing around me, talking quietly with each other. _

_Why this excitement? What is going on?_

"No, I saw it, he moved his hand."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

_Who are they talking about? Who moved his hand and what's so special about that? I could do it too, if it wouldn't be so heavy. Wait, maybe if I... there. See? I can do it too._

"There, did you see this, he moved his fingers."

_Hold on, are they talking about me?_

***** TTM *****

"...I don't know what I'd do if you never wake up again. I don't even want to think about it. You have to wake up, you just have to. I'm so lonely without you. Please. You slept long enough now, damned. Wake up!"

_There's this calming person again. Whispering to me, asking – no, telling - me to wake up._

_Wake up? I am awake, can't you see?_

_Look at me, I'm here and I can hear you._

"Please, I can't live without you and I miss you so much. I need you to wake up and come back to me"

_Well, maybe you're right and I'm still asleep._

_I guess I'm simply still too tired to wake up. I sorry I can't fulfill your wish._

_And I'm sorry that I made you cry again._

***** TTM *****

"Oh please, I think it's established, that I have a far better taste when it comes to fashion than you do."

"Taste? Is that what you called it when you dyed your hair blue?"

_Blue hair? Who would do something like that? That's stupid._

"Ok, that was an accident – but it was still better than green!"

_Green?_

"Green?"

And suddenly all hell breaks loose.

"Oh my God, he's awake."

"Someone get the doctor."

"He said green."

"Please open your eyes baby."

"Why doesn't he open his eyes?"

"Say something."

"Everybody be quiet and let's see if he says something else."

"Open your eyes."

"Can you hear me, darling?"

"Where the hell is the doctor?"

"Maybe he fell asleep again."

"He said green."

"Emmet, shut up."

_Oh hell._

Slowly I open my eyes and am confronted with 5 pairs of, in anticipation lifted, eyebrows and huge, curious eyes, staring expectantly at me.

Nobody says a word and I'm beginning to feel like the main attraction in a freak show, when a woman with blond curls finally leans closer and takes my hand.

"Jasper, you're awake."

_Jasper? Who the fuck is Jasper?_

* * *

_Please let me know what you think and if I should go on. _

_No beta - please be kind ;-) _

_Thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2 Strangers

**_JPOV_**

_Strangers._

There are 5 strangers looking at me, waiting for me to say something - well, something besides 'Who the fuck is Jasper'.

But what am I supposed to say? I don't know them. Fuck, I don't even know myself. But still they seem to expect me to jump for joy.

My wrist hurts and I look down at my hand to it bandaged. Also there are wires coming out of the collar of my - well, whatever it is that I'm wearing - going to a little machine, which is standing at the bed-head and goes

Beep

Beep

Beep.

So you are the fucking thing that drove me mad all this time.

I turn back to my oddly quiet audience and look at every single one of them, trying hard to remember something, anything.

To my left, standing beside the bed, there's a woman with strange, bronze coloured hair which falls to her shoulders in soft waves. She looks at me with so much love in her eyes, I instantly like her. I don't know her but I like her. On the other side, sitting on my bed, is the blond girl, still holding my hand. Her eyes are blue like the ocean and she is smiling softly at me. At the end of my bed there's a huge, bulky guy with dark brown hair sitting in the chair, a big grin on his face. Right beside him, in the other chair is a girl sitting with both her hands clasped before her mouth. She has ginger curls and bright green eyes. She's really beautiful, tho I can only see half of her face. A guy with the same strange bronze hair like the woman beside me, is standing right next to the bulky guy, looking at me as if he just saw a ghost. Why does he has such a sadness in his eyes while everyone else seems on the edge of throwing a party?

„How are you my dear?" the bronze haired woman asks. I tear my eyes from the sad guy and look up to her.

"Uhm… I am…"

"Yo man, it was about time to wake up."

"Emmet!"

"What?"

"Let him finish."

The bronze haired woman comes to sit on my other side, mirroring the position of the blond one and I'm starting to freak out. They obviously all know me very well and I… I have no idea who they are. I don't remember anything.

"Jasper, we're all so happy that you're finally awake." The blond one says and leans even closer to me to… oh God, is she going to kiss me?

_Wait, I don't even know you._

"Who are you?" I shout and she shrieks back, looking at me as if I just announced the end of the world.

"What?" she asks in a very high pitched voice that makes me cringe.

"Jasper, dear, are you alright?"

"Of course he's not alright, he just asked Jenks who she is."

"Oh gee, he must have hit his head worse than we thought."

"Where is this fucking doctor?"

"Esme!"

"Sorry."

"What do you mean, who am I?"

"He doesn't know who we are."

"Oh my God."

"Dude that's so cool."

"Emmet!"

_Jesus, is that their normal behaviour? I want to go back to sleep! They're driving me crazy. Why did I want to wake up again?_

"Oh thank God, here's the doctor."

And thank God indeed, because with the doctors arrival, they all have to leave the room, so that the he can examine me.

*** TTM ***

"Hello Jasper, my name is Dr. Gerandy. How do you feel?"

_Is he for real?_

"I feel like I just entered the Twilight Zone."

"Are you in any pain?"

"My wrist hurts a bit but other than that, no."

"That's good to hear. We're gonna make some test in a few minutes but before that I'd like to ask you some questions."

"Okay."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"What happened? I... no, I don't know what happened. Doc, I don't know anything, I can't even remember my own name and it's scaring me."

"You've been hit by a car when you wanted to cross the street and you hit your head pretty bad. You've got a sprained wrist but apart from that you're fine."

"And apart from the fact that I don't remember anything."

"We're gonna make a few test now and see about that. Don't worry Jasper, everything will be ok."

_OK._

_We'll see about that. Somehow I have a bad feeling._

*** TTM ***

_Amnesia._

I have amnesia. And the doc can't tell me when and _if_ it will go away.

So much for "everything will be ok".

What am I gonna do now? I have no idea. The next two days I have to stay at the hospital but then they're gonna release me and then... yeah, then what? I have no idea where I lived, what I did or who I am.

I feel like I lost everything and I don't even know, what this everything is. Will I ever remember again? What if not?

I feel like crying but just when I'm about to give in and reach with my good hand for a handkerchief, the door opens and the cavalry storms back in.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I know is coming.

"Jasper, dear, the Doctor told us everything. Don't worry, everything will be ok.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry."

"Jay, we will help you, you'll see, you're gonna remember everything in no time."

"Man, that sucks."

"Jasper, if you want, you can live with us again for a while."

"What?"

"Don't you remember anything, dude?"

"Didn't you listen to the doc? Of course he doesn't"

"Not even that he and Edward-"

"Emmet!"

"What?"

"Shut up.

_See? I told ya._

* * *

**_Thank you all for the great reviews. I love them and can't get enough of them *win wink*_**

_**I hope you still like it. Please let me know.** _


	3. Chapter 3 Nap

**JPOV**

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"Two years."

"What?"

"Emmet, stop that!"

"Okay, okay, sorry dude."

"You've been sleeping for two weeks, dear." The bronze-haired woman answers.

Two weeks.

_Two. Weeks._

It only took two weeks for me to lose my past, my life. Well, actually it took only a few seconds and I didn't really lose my life but – well, you know what I mean.

The bronze-haired woman - gee, I really have to ask them for their names, it's getting ridiculous - sits down on my bed again, taking my good hand in hers. The blond woman takes her seat from before, sitting on the other side of my bed again and the rest of them pretty much do the same. Except for the bronze-haired guy, who stands beside my bed now as well. He looks like … has he been crying? Why would he-?

"Jasper, tell us how we can help you? I'm sure you have a thousand questions, so please don't be shy, just go ahead, ask anything you want." the woman speaks up, softly stroking my knuckles.

"Well, for a start, it would be nice to know your names."

"Of course, how stupid of us. Well, I'm Esme, the big Guy over there is Emmet, beside him we have Viktoria, the blond girl by your side is Jenks and behind her is... Edward."

The little pause before she says Edward doesn't go unnoticed by me, neither are the expectantly looks I'm getting from the other three. And once again I feel like I'm missing the punch line.

I turn back to Esme.

"Are you my mother?"

"No, dear but you are like a son to me."

"How come? And where are my parents?"

Before she can answer, the door opens and a doctor with light blond hair comes in. He walks straight up to my bed, a gentle smile on his face.

"Hello son, I've heard that you woke up. I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier but I was in surgery. Dr. Gerandy told me everything though. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I'm sure it isn't easy for you right now. It must be very confusing."

"Well, yeah, it is. Are you my father?"

"Uhm, no I'm not. I'm Carlisle, Esmes husband."

"Then where are my parents?"

Esme gives Carlisle a short, almost desperate look before she turns back to me. I'm kind of getting the feeling that I won't like the answer.

"You're parents are still in Texas, dear but I'm sure they'll come as fast as they can."

Huh? I'm in a coma for two fucking weeks and my parents couldn't manage to get here? Again – what the hell is going on?

"So I'm not related to any of you?"

"No. But you've been part of this family for many years now."

I don't understand. I simply don't get it. Why am I part of this family and why aren't my own parents by my side? What am I missing? The blond – Jenks – beside me clears her throat, making me look at her. Oh. OH. That must be why.

"Are you my girlfriend?"

Her eyes become so huge, I'm almost afraid that they will pop out of her head and at the same moment Emmet breaks out into a booming laughter. He laughs so hard, he almost falls from his chair. But what catches my attention is a soft gasp from beside me.

I look up and see Edwards face twisted in horror. Gee, what did I do? Oh fuck.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't know... Is she _your_ girlfriend?"

With that Emmet actually falls from the chair.

It must have been very funny of me to think that she would be my girlfriend and I'm starting to wonder why? Am I that bad looking? Since I woke up I haven't looked into a mirror and have now idea what I'm looking like. Maybe I'm Mr. Ugly. And of course Edward would be her boyfriend. I mean, he is fuck hot.

Hold on a minute – did I just think of a guy as fuck hot?

How hard did I hit my head?

"Excuse me for a moment." Edward says quietly and turns to the door. Victoria gets up and follows him outside but not without giving me a strange look over her shoulder before the door closes.

Great, I'm awake for less than 4 hours and already managed to piss off two people.

"Jay, we're all siblings." Jenks brings my attention to her "Vicky and I are twins – not identical twins of course. And before you ask, she isn't your girlfriend either. So Vicky and me, we are the youngest, then comes Emmet and Edward is the eldest."

"Okay. But where do I fit in?"

"Well dude, you're Eddies b-"

"Emmet!"

"- best friend?"

_I am?_

"I am?"

Maybe that's why he's so sad. He thinks he has lost his best friend.

"Jasper, how about you take a little nap? This must have been very exhausting for you." Carlisle suggests, already shoving the others out of the room.

Odd. First they want me to ask questions and when I do, they're telling me to take a nap. Jesus, I have been taking a nap for two weeks, I'm done taking a nap. Though I have to confess I am a little bit tired. I could take a nap – if I wanted to. But that's not the point. The point is that-

"Now sleep well Jasper and we'll see us tomorrow." Esme leans over and gives me a kiss on my forehead and a moment later I'm alone.

Are they always like that?

Replaying the conversation in my head I'm trying to find out why they behave like this. They are definitely keeping something from me, something important.

And I'm gonna find out what it is!

Right after my nap.

* * *

**_Please let me know what you think._ **


	4. Chapter 4 Secrets

**Secrets**

**JPOV**

A loud bang and a silent "fuck" wakes me up. I look to the window and it's dark outside. Must be way after 9 I guess. I turn back to where the noise came from and find…

"Emmett? What are you doing here?" Sitting up in my bed I watch him getting a chair and sitting down beside me.

"I came back here, because, just like Edward, I don't agree with the others – or the doctor."

"What do you mean?"

"You see Jasper, the doc told us, that it would be better the more things you find out yourself. Sure we could help you but we should not tell you everything. You'd have to train your remembrance to regain it. Or something like that."

_Oh_.

"So... is that why you all behaved so strange, once I started asking questions?"

"Uhm, kind of, yes. See, you can ask questions but it would be better for you to remember yourself. Well, that's what the doc said."

"But what if I never remember? I have so many questions... will I never get the answers to them then? Will I never know who I am?"

"That's part of why I'm here. I think it would be easier for you to remember, if you'd have a little leading." And I'm definitely beginning to like him.

"Does your family know that you're here?" I ask, pulling my legs up and sitting Indian style.

"Nope, no one knows."

"Won't you get in trouble if they find out?"

"Maybe. But who cares. Besides, everything I tell you, you could have magically remembered over night, right?" His grin is wide and I can't help myself, I have to laugh.

"I guess so. So... can I ask you now?"

"Hold on a sec." He conjures a wrapped sandwich from somewhere inside his jacket, unwraps it, takes a bite and makes himself comfy in his chair.

"Gwo ahewd." He encourages with his mouth full.

Okay, now I feel like a child in a toy store – what toy to play first with? What question to ask first?

"So, what I know is, that my name is Jasper Whitlock, I'm 24 years old, I live in New York City aaand that's it. I don't know the most basic things like, what do I do for a living?"

"You're a shoe salesman."

"I…I am?"

I frown. That doesn't sound very exciting.

"Haha, you should see your face. Priceless. That was a joke, dude. Have to keep it light, right? You are in advertising."

"Would you please stop with the jokes, Emmett? Now, advertising, that sounds interesting."

"Yep, and from what I heard, you're fucking good at it."

"Alright. Where do I live?"

"78, West 86th Street. Apartment 3-E"

"Okay." _Wherever that is._ "Why did Esme offer me to live with them – _again_?"

"You pretty much lived with us, since Edward brought you home one day, after you puked on his shoes.

"I puked on his shoes?"

"Yes. It was in high school, freshman year I think. You had a bet going with some other kid – who could first drink empty a bottle of soda. Well, you were the winner but also sick for the rest of the day."

"How did I end puking on Edwards shoes?"

"I'm sorry, dude, I have no idea but he brought you home, cause your parents weren't home or something and that's pretty much how your friendship started. I don't think there has been a day since, that you haven't been at our house at least for an hour. Well, not till you moved into your own apartment, that is."

"So that's what Esme meant by living with them again? Because I visited you every day?"

"Err, no. See, your parents moved back to Texas, one year before you finished high school. But you didn't want to leave, you wanted to finish school with your friends, so your parents agreed that you could stay with us till end of high school."

"Why aren't my parent's here now?"

"Dad called them but..."

"But what?" He sighs and his face is serious for the first time since I woke up yesterday.

"They told us to call them when you wake up and then they would come here."

"What? Why not earlier?"

"I... dunno."

"But... what if I had not woken up for months – or years? Would they have never come to see me?"

"I don't think so, man." _Why don't I believe him? Maybe because he doesn't look so sure about his answer himself. _

"But why … Why?"

He swallows the rest of his sandwich and reaches into his jacket to produce another one.

"Well, you and your parents... let's say, you don't get along very well."

"What do you mean?"

He takes another bite before he answers.

"I think the last time you saw them was like four years ago."

"Four years? Why?"

"Because you had a lot of fights. Your folks don't like your … way of living."

"They don't... Emmet, the more answers you give me, the more questions I have. Could you please tell me what is going on."

I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Why would parents be like that? Was it something that I have done?

The door opens and a nurse walks in, a bottle of water in hand, successfully interrupting my thoughts.

"Good evening Mr. Whitlock, my name is Angela, I bring you something to drink for the night."

She looks at Emmett and instantly her cheeks turn a little pink as she smiles at him.

"Hello." She chirps, her eyes never leaving him as she places the bottle on my bedside table.

"Good evening, beautiful. It's an extraordinary pleasure to meet such a pretty nurse."

Her cheeks turn even redder as she giggles and then turns and leaves the room.

"Wow, she's a hottie, don't you think?" Emmett smiles, leaning back in his chair again.

"What? Oh, yeah, I don't know. Maybe."

"That's why."

"Huh?"

"That's why you don't get along with your folks very well." He states, looking at me as if it would be the most obvious thing in the world

But I'm missing it.

"Because I don't find the nurse attractive?"

"You wouldn't find any nurse attractive... unless she was a he."

"Huh?"

"Dude, you're gay."

* * *

** Since I have no beta and english is not my first language, I hope you forgive me all the mistakes I made. I'm sure there are a lot in this chapter. Thank you for reading anyway. Hope you like it...**


	5. Chapter 5 Truths

**Truths**

* * *

_I'm gay._

_I. Am. Gay._

Huh. Who would have thought?

Turning to Emmett I don't even know why I ask but I have to. Just to make sure that it's not one of his famous jokes.

"Are you sure? I mean, is that the truth?"

"Pft, yes dude. I wouldn't make fun about that."

"And my parents..."

"Yep, they don't like it. Your father doesn't believe in homosexuality and your mother, well, she believes whatever your father believes."

Well, that makes sense. Not the part about my parents but, the fact that I didn't find the nurse attractive at all. Or any of the other ones. But then again - that doesn't mean anything, right?

A_nd my parents don't believe in homosexuality._

"What about me?"

"What do you mean?" He asks without raising his eyes from his sandwich.

"Am I... do I ... am _I _ok with being gay? I mean, am I … out?"

"Yes. You're out and proud, due. And you're also proud of who you are. We all are."

„So your whole family knows?"

„Sure."

Okay, that's a all know and seem to be okay with it. But still I wonder if ...maybe...

"And erm, ... so I'm gay, not … bi or anything?"

"Ha, no you're not, dude. You're as gay as a picnic basket. No vaginas for you."

_As gay as a... what?_

"Emmett, let me ask you something. Do I like you? I mean, in general... before the accident?"

"Sure you do, we're best buddies." he grins around the sandwich.

"Oh." _Great._

„And about my parents... Did they throw me out, when I … came out?"

„Yep, pretty much. See, you went over to Texas for Thanksgiving, deciding to finally tell them. It didn't went very well, as you can imagine. They said something like, that it was just a phase and it would go over. But when you told them that it wasn't a phase and that it wouldn't pass, well, that's when they wanted to send you to a doctor."

„A doctor?"

„Yes, a psychiatrist to help you with your disease. They thought they could somehow, magically heal you from it and ...yeah, you kinda lost it then. You told them that you would never want to see them again if it's that what they are thinking and that they would lose their only son if they wouldn't accept you for who you are."

„And then? What happened then"

„Well, long story short, you came back from Texas two days earlier, telling us that from now on we would be your only family."

_Gosh, that sounds horrible._

„Was I very sad?"

„At first, yes. You didn't leave your room for two days until Edward literally dragged you out of it. You two had a big fight then – the first and the last you ever had."

„Why? What exactly did we fight about?"

„I'm not sure, you have to ask him. Anyway, after a while you weren't sad about your parents anymore, well, maybe a little, but mostly you were angry about their behaviour. You still are – but you don't talk about them anymore."

„Do I miss them?"

„I don't know. Maybe. They are your parents after all."

We are silent for a while, both of us following our own thoughts. To say that mine are a giant mess would be a massive understatement.

_They are your parents after all._

„Emmett... do you think they will come here? Come to see me?"

He sighs deeply, thinking for long moments before he finally answers.

„I don't know man, I mean... maybe but... You haven't heard from them in a long time and I didn't talk to them on the phone, Carlisle did, so... I don't know, man. Sorry."

„It's ok. I just... I thought it would be nice talking to them. I mean, they know a lot about me, right? About my childhood and everything. And... who knows, maybe they changed their mind after all this time...and after what happened."

Emmett's sceptical look tells me that he doesn't believe in that at all.

And I feel sad. And alone.

Sighting, I place my elbows on my knees and rest my chin on my fists. What a giant fuckery.

„Do you think it would be wise to stay with your parents for a while again?" I ask him.

„Oh please, don't ask me that, man. All I can say is that if you want to, you are very welcome at their house, they love to have you there but... I don't know if that is the best idea."

„Why?"

"Man, I need to find the toilet. The sandwiches, you know... Be back in a few." He gets up and is out the door before I can even say something in return.

My head is spinning with all the information I got and didn't get from Emmett. I feel dizzy, thinking about everything I heard this evening.

I don't mind being gay. If that is who I am than that's fine.

But what about my parents?

My parents who haven't talked to me in four years because I'm gay. I practically cut them out of my life because they wouldn't accept me. But how can anyone still be this closed-minded these days? I don't get it.

I lost them because of who I am but still I seem to have a very loving family, even if it's not my own. And despite all the shit I had to endure, it looks like I'm leading a lucky and happy life.

Then why do I have the feeling that something is missing, that _I'm _missing something? I just don't know what it is.

I feel like I should remember something but just when I think I'm getting to it, it slips away. Just out of my reach.

I don't know what it is. I don't know how, but I'm sure, I never felt so lonely.

I can feel a headache coming and burry my face in my hands. This has been one long fucking day.

The door opens, announcing Emmets return. With my head still heavy in my hands I don't want to hear any more, all I want to do is go back to sleep.

"Just tell me one more thing." I mumble tiredly into my hands. "Am I all alone or is there anyone? I mean, should there be someone by my side right now? Someone I care for and who cares for me? Is there anyone I belong to?"

"Yes. Me."

* * *

**_I need to tell me what you think... pretty, pretty please? =)_**


	6. Chapter 6 Wish

**I know I have to find you now**

**Can hear your name and don't know how **

* * *

**JPOV**

The deep, soft voice, coming from the door, does in _no way_ belong to Emmett.

Raising my head I am more than a little surprised as I watch him hesitantly walking into the room, carefully taking one step after the other, like I would run if he moves too fast.

Standing at the end of my bed, there's a slight blush on his cheeks as he looks down at me.

"I uhm... may I?" He asks tilting his head slightly.

"Sure." I answer reassuringly, watching him, as he sits down on the far end of my bed. He clears his throat before he looks up at me.

We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity, both of us obviously not sure what to say.

While I look at him I'm starting to recognize little details, like the strange colour of his eyes. I can't decide if they are green or blue or grey or maybe all at once. But they look soft and kind and so, so deep, I bet one could get lost in them. I let my eyes wander over his face. He is beautiful, there's no question about that. His bottom lip is fuller than the top one and his whole mouth looks slightly pouty. His nose is straight and delicate, almost feminine but the two days worth of stubble on his chin and cheeks is anything but feminine. It looks quite delicious. He is wearing black Doc Martens, deep blue jeans and a black button down shirt with the sleeves turned up. He has long fingers and he is wearing a dark brown leather bracelet around his left wrist. I like his style. And his hair... I wonder what it feels like to run my hands through it. It looks like-

"Jasper."

Even though he says my name so softly, I jerk slightly, startled after this long moment of silence.

I look back into his eyes and have a hard time to concentrate on the here and now. What did he say, when he entered the room? He said that he was the one - the one I would belong to. Is that true? Is he... are we...? This little piece of information opens a giant floodgate to new questions, making me feel dizzy and excited and suddenly I'm wide awake again.

"What you said-"

"How do you-"

Both starting to talk at once we stop and smile at each other shyly.

"You first." I insist and he nods, clearing his throat before he goes on.

"Okay. Uhm, well, I met Emmett outside... he told me what he told you and... How are you feeling?"

I lean back against the headboard, stretching my legs out in front of me, playing absentmindedly with the edge of my blanket.

"I won't lie, I'm a bit overwhelmed, I guess and confused. It was a lot to take in but... I'm also happy that Emmett brought a little light into the darkness. I understand a lot of things better now, though I wish a lot of things were different."

His face falls slightly and his bottom lip vanishes between his teeth.

"Like what?" He asks, his eyes dropping to his fingers.

"Well, for one thing, the whole story with my parents. I wish they would still talk to me, still care for me, no matter what I do or... who I am with."

His head snaps up and his eyes are full of desire, making it hard for me to breathe momentarily.

"I just can't believe that parents would shut their only child out from their lives, just because of his choices. And it wasn't even my choice, was it? I mean, I was born this way, I didn't decide it. And that's just not fair. It shouldn't be like that. Parent's should love their children, always, unconditionally. Where's the point in getting them if you don't stand by their side no matter what? I mean, it's-... What? What are you smiling at?" Grinning at me he looks highly amused.

"You."

"Me?" I don't see what's so funny about my speech.

"You just... you've always been very passionate about that subject. Well, actually you're very passionate altogether. But you always got lost when you felt like you need to defend someone in that matter - no matter if yourself or someone else. You don't like injustice and you have no problem fighting against it, most of the time that goes along with a giant flood of words. Your eyes are sparkling and your whole body is vibrating with energy and I'm sure you could fight the whole world if you had to. I always admired you for that and sometimes I think you might should have become a lawyer rather than doing advertising. Don't get me wrong, you're great at what you do, it's just... I don't know... you like to fight for the right and the weaker ones. So why I'm smiling is, I just like to see that, well that the fire is still there, that you're still the same... in this area at least."

"Oh."

_Oh. _As much as I said before, I am speechless now, overwhelmed by the picture he painted of me. I don't know what to say.

"Thank you... I guess."

He chuckles at me for a moment and then he shows me the most beautiful smile, sending butterflies flying through my belly like crazy. I feel myself blush and need to break eye contact, feeling very shy all of a sudden. He is such a nice guy and I wish, I could say something nice in return. I hate that I know nothing about him.

And suddenly I realize something

"And then of course there's another thing I'd like to be different." I say, slowly looking up at him again.

"What is it?"

"I wish nothing more than to remember you, Edward."

* * *

_**Thank you for reading. Hope you liked it – just let me know ;-)**_


	7. Chapter 7 Hope

**_JPOV_**

"Will you tell me more about myself? If you can stay a little longer, that is."

I don't want him to go yet. The idea of him leaving me, already makes me anxious. Even though I can't remember him, I can feel that there is something, something powerful and deep.

"Of course I stay, Jasper." granting me with another butterfly-sending smile he reaches down and drops off his shoes.

"Do you mind, if I get a little more comfy?"

"Of course not, go ahead."

He leans back against the end of the bed and places his long legs beside mine, mirroring my position.

"So, what would you like to know?"

"I don't know…anything - everything…like, what is my favourite colour?"

"What?" he smiles, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"What - what?"

"Well, I just thought, you know, you would ask other stuff... more important things."

"Oh, I will. I just thought I start off easy, ya know?" I wink at him and he chuckles.

"Alright then. It's red, your favourite colour is red."

"What's my favourite food?"

"Oh, you love all kinds of Mexican food, no matter what it is. You hate Chinese food, you always say, it smells like rotten eggs. And you have a sweet tooth, well, more like ten. Sometimes I wonder how you stay in shape with all the sweet stuff you eat over the day."

Chuckling I ask my next question.

"Ok. Uhm, what else... what music do I like?"

"You like a lot of music, you listen to almost everything. What you don't like it hip-hop and street-funk and what else there is. You like blues and rock and classic and grunge and sometimes even gothic. You love the Beatles."

"The Beatles?"

"Yes, it's – was – a Band from England and they made some fucking good music - pop music. And actually, now that you say it, I remember, I brought you this here."

He pulls out an ipod from the inside of his jacket and hands it over to me.

"It's yours, I thought that... well, maybe listening to the music you like you'd feel ... I dunno, less alone or something. And maybe it triggers a memory."

"Thank you, Edward, that's very thoughtful." Taking the iPod from him, our hands touch for the splint of a second. His skin is soft and leaves a warm feeling on my own skin. I place the iPod on my bedside table and turn back to him.

"What else can you tell me about myself?"

He is silent for a long moment, his head bowed, his left thumb stroking slowly over the back of his right hand.

I'm wondering what he's thinking and I'm about to ask but then I hear him mumbling and the lump his words creates in my throat makes it impossible for me to speak.

"When you sleep, your hair is like like a halo, draped around your head and you look like an angel. Your lips are always in a little pout and sometimes they are moving as if you're talking in your dreams but no sound leaves your lips. And when you wake up in the morning and you're all rumpled and sleepy with wayward curls hanging all over the place… you're simply adorable.

You know a million songs and you love singing along to them. When you drive in your car you never listen to the radio You always have your iPhone with you, listening to the music you love and you're always singing when you're driving. And I can never get enough of that. You're a big cuddler. You once said, to be able to cuddle with someone is more important than sex. You can have sex with everyone but cuddling, cuddling means intimacy on a whole other level.

You read a lot. I love it when you get lost in a book and I can literally read it too just by looking at your face. I love your face. There's no mask, no riddles, no hidden thoughts, no. It's your whole heart written all over it, real and pure and it shows everything you are. Kind and loving, honest and sensitive, you're funny and smart, understanding and open minded. You have such a big heart. There isn't a single bad bone in you. Sometimes I look at you and I'm so captivated, I have to remind myself to breathe. You're the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Inside and out."

I'm overwhelmed by his words and the feeling coming off him. I can almost touch the love that is surrounding me, warming me like a blanket. And when he raises his eyes to mine I can see it swimming in the deep green pools. But also shining through is an untamed sadness that makes me wanna cry.

My mouth is dry and the lump in my throat won't go away.

"I'm so sorry, that I don't remember you." I whisper, feeling guilty for making him sad even though I know it's not my fault.

"Oh Jasper." He crawls up the bed, kneeling beside me and places his hands on my shoulders. "There's nothing to be sorry for, it's not your fault. And you will remember, it just needs time and patience. "

"But what if I never will?"

"Of course you will."

When he takes my hand between his I gasp. There it is again - the calming warmth that I felt when I was sleeping.

"It was you." I whisper, feeling hope raising inside my chest like a thunderstorm.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was sleeping, I could hear and feel the people around me. Sometimes they were touching me and it always felt cold and clinical. It was impersonal and awkward. But then I felt someone else touching me, holding my hand and it was completely different. It felt warm and caring and comforting. I knew it couldn't be one of the nurses but I had no idea who it was - well, obviously. And even though I had no idea, I didn't want this person to leave, because he made me feel less alone.

This person - it was you, wasn't it?"

Looking down at our entwined hands he smiles softly.

"Yes."

And for the first time since I woke up, I don't feel lost anymore.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading.** _


	8. Chapter 8 Dogs

_**Who, who, who, who, who?**_

* * *

_**JPOV**_

"It's just what I think would be best for him, that's all."

"But _I_ don't think so."

"But maybe she's right."

"I am."

"She's not. You're not."

"Why don't we ask him?"

"Dude, where's the coffee machine?"

"Okay, let's ask him. But if he says no, it's no."

"I know, dear, but if he says yes, it's yes."

"He won't."

"Dude, the coffee machine."

"Emmett."

"What?"

_Sigh._

The bunch of crazy people, also known as my beloved family, also known as Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jenks and Vicky, are back. And even though it's only 8::00 in the morning, they are already deeply absorbed in one of their chaotic, earsplitting and – at least for me - exhausting conversations. I don't know what it's about this time and I don't know if I even want to.

If Life had background music,then "Who let the dogs out" would be playing right now.

I'm sitting on my bed with my bag already packet beside me and watch them streaming into my room without even acknowledging me.

They all look pretty excited, apart from Edward, who looks dead serious. Hmmm, so now I'm getting kind of curious what all this fuss is about.

I clear my throat and cautiously try to interrupt their discussion.

"Hey, y'all."

But they are like a bunch of, yeah well, dogs and even though everybody's talking, no one is really listening. At least not to me.

"I think Esme's right. Just for a while Eddy."

"I don't care what you think and don't call me Eddy."

"I'm with Ed in this. Why would he want to anyway?"

"Thank you Em."

Guess I just have to try again. "Hey."

"I'm not saying it has to be for ever, ju-"

"I don't care. I still don't see the point."

"Heeeey."

"Just a while, dear. Till he's better."

"I say no!"

"Guy, seriously, the coffee machine."

"HEY!" I shout and finally get the desired attention.

Taking a deep breath, while they are all looking at me like they're surprised to find me here, I do my best and try to stay calm.

"Could anyone please tell me what this is all about?"

"Edward-"

"Esme-"

"You-"

"Coffe-"

"STOP! One after the other, please. I'm gettin whiplash here. And Emmett, the coffee machine is at the end of the corridor, to your left."

"Coole dude, thanks. Anyone else coffe? No? Okay, be right back."

And Emmet's out the door, which leaves me with four remaining dogs... errr people.

"Alright." Esme starts. "Jasper, my dear, we-"

"Not we – you." Edward interrupts, throwing her a dirty look.

Esme sighs and goes on.

"I – and Jenks – we just think that maybe it would be better for you to stay with us for a while, before you go back home to live with Edward. At least until you got better and maybe gained your memory back. Honey, we're just concerned and don't want it to be too overwhelming for you."

"Uhm…"

"See, he doesn't want to."

"Gosh, let him think about it first." Jenks says curtly and for a second I've got a strange feeling in my stomach. _The hell is wrong with me?_

"Jasper dear, take your time."

"Fine." Edward pouts.

"Jasper? What do you think?" Vicky asks and grabs a chair to sit by the bed.

Edward also sits down beside me but on my bed and takes my hand in his, which immediately calms me down. I smile at him before I turn to the rest of the bunch.

"I know you all only want the best for me and I'm really, really thankful for that. But I'm old enough to know what's best for me and I want to decide on my own. After all I'm …I'm... how old am I again?

"24." Comes the answer in four different voices.

"Thanks. Anyway, I'm old enough to know what's best for me and what I want. And I want to go home. My home. Where I live. With Edward."

Edward sighs in relief beside me and gives my hand a short squeeze.

"Okay my dear, if that is what you want. But just know that we are all always there for you." She smiles and pats my knee.

"I know, thank you Esme."

"Thank God." comes Emmet's voice from the doorway. "Thought we would have to endure Eddy sulking for weeks now."

"I am not sulking and don't call me Eddy." Edward growls and I can't help myself, I have to laugh because he sure as hell was sulking. He is just too cute.

He looks at me questioningly and then just smiles this gorgeous smile, his eyes sparkling with joy. I feel myself getting lost for a second in his green depths before I let my gaze drop to his mouth and those pouty lips.

_I wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. To feel these soft looking lips on my own, to taste the-_

My thoughts are effectively interrupted by Emmes booming voice.

"Okay, let's get outta here then." And like on command they all start to move.

"Yes, let's get out of here." Edward repeats, already grabbing my bag and only when he gets up I realize, that he is still holding my hand.

And I like it. It feels good. Right.

The whole bunch jostles through the door and we're about to follow them when Edward suddenly stops and turns to me, making meI bump right into his chest.

_Hmm, he smells good._

I step back to look up into his eyes and feel myself blushing.

"Sorry." I whisper but he just winks and shows that sexy smirk which makes me wanna bump right into him again.

He clears his throat and takes a deep breath before he looks at me with serious eyes.

"Jasper, I'm not asking you if you're sure, because you seemed pretty fucking sure in there but… are you really sure?"

_Aww_

I smile at him while he is unconsciously gnawing on his bottom lip, waiting for my answer. I take a step closer to him and look him straight in his beautiful eyes.

"Fuck yes, I am. Now, let's go home."

* * *

**_Thank you for reading. Thank you for your patience._ **


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